Surviving the In-Laws

My in-laws came to visit my wife and I for the first time since we got married. Although I had no idea what to expect, we had great conversations and did fun activities to make all of us feel more at home in each other’s company.

#1 Have no expectations.

If you expect your in-laws to be nice, you may be disappointed by the little hurts that are normal in any family dynamic. If you expect them to be mean or demanding, you might miss out on the funny or sweet moments that explain who your spouse grew up to be. That’s why I recommend just keeping your eyes open to the good things about them, and not expecting anything at all.

#2 Make a plan and ask for their input.

A plan may sound a lot like having expectations, but it isn’t. Having a plan allows you to have some structure, if needed. Check out local tourist spots etc etc By knowing this information beforehand, you can make suggestions if it seems the day is starting to drag.

In preparation for my in-law’s recent visit, my wife and I made suggestions of ideas for activities. And what did they enjoy the most? Breakfast on Table Mountain, Robben Island, Kirstenbosch botanical gardens, Open top tour bus and shopping the world in Canal Walk! (Girls will always be girls)

#3 Don’t completely abandon your normal routine.

Just because you are hosting your spouse’s parents doesn’t mean you suddenly have more patience and good cheer than usual. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite. The more time you spend catering to their preferences, the more energy you expend by making things different from your customary methods.

My in-laws were great about understanding this. After a long day at work, I sorely missed the time I ordinarily get to spend with my wife and daughter sharing the days ups and down. SO I called my wife a-lot during the day to catch up with her, and then as much as I could I would join her in the kitchen to cook and clean- then we could talk ‘privately’ and gossip about our parents Other times … actually most times we all helped around the house cooking and cleaning and feeding/entertaining the baby etc

Introduce your close friends
I have learnt that it is important for your parents know and meet your friends. This helps get rid of fears that most parents have about their children being lonely and in want of friends and family when they live far away from home. We are blessed to have many such friends who hosted our parents for dinners and lunches!

Your in-laws are coming to visit because family is important to them. Now, you are a part of their family. Offer them ideas on what you can do together, and listen attentively to their preferences while still asserting your own. These simple steps will help you to relax and enjoy the people who made your beloved spouse who he or she is today. Overall we had an awesome time together. We were blessed to have them over and I pray that we shall be blessed by many more such visits. Like they said to us … most people dont get to live with their parents for a month at a time after they leave home. SO this was a rare blessing to us!

So folks … dont you be scared of the In-Laws … or else pray that you get great in-laws like I did!!

University of Cape Town,
Cape Town

This is my grad School. I am pursuing an MPhil in Urban Infrastructure & Management and its not easy for a newbie dad and husband!
It is made worse by all the steps/Stairs you have to take to and from school … the infamous Jemmie steps!
All Hail UCT Jemmie Steps!!! Keep walking.

I will forever remember these steps!!

From Marvelous Light into Darkness | A Cape Town short Timelapse

Lagoon Beach Hotel Terrace,

Lagoon Beach Hotel is not too far from home so every once in a while my wife and I like to go watch the sunset over the Atlantic ocean here. It is nice to watch the sun go down and the lights come up in the city at the foot of the mountain. The scene changes drastically from light to darkness making it all the more interesting. Having learnt how to shoot a timelapse a few weeks ago ( thanx @truthslinger ) I have attempted a few but today I will only share this 20 seconds or so captured over a period of just under an hour …

For those thinking about visiting Cape Town soon this is a nice place to stay and is worth your hard earned dollars! Meanwhile we shall keep enjoying the ambience and the sunsets! So long folks … the sun is about to set – Shabbat shalom!!
Look out for more Time lapses here soon!

Matuta za Ciiru

Yesterday when I got home I was tired! The only place I wanted to be was home … with Keshi and Ciiru. They make me feel peaceful and safe. My wife makes me feel like a teenager because of how much I love her. And Ciiru …. Ciiru brings out all the childishness in me. She makes me feel like a baby again! I love watching her trying to put her hands together, rolling over, drooling, blubbering … the works! But yesterday they shocked me! When my wife opened the door for me I remained speechless for a while … there she was … my little angel in ‘matutas’ (English for that?! … corns I suppose) … For the 1st time in her 7 months of life she had her hair made! She looked like a new person to me. Like I was experiencing her for the very 1st time. She looked more like a girl than a baby now. My little angel is growing up fast and furious!! and it got me thinking.

I remembered Susan Engel saying “When they’re little they sit on your lap; when they’re big they sit on your heart” … Apparently having little kids is a breeze. As long as you hug them a lot and make good food, things seemed to be, for the most part, O.K. You can fix many problems, and distract them from others. Your home can be a haven from all that might be painful and difficult in the world beyond.

All of that changes when they are grown. They fall in love, break their hearts, apply for jobs, leave or lose the jobs, choose new homes, can’t pay the rent for those new homes and question their choice of profession. They forge their way, all just outside of your helping reach. Then, when bad things happen, they need you like crazy, but you discover that the kind of help you’ve spent years learning how to give is no longer helpful.

This poem by Brad Anderson came to my mind:

Can I Carry You?
I guess I can hold you one more time before you grow
And tell you that I love you so that you will always know
Please let me feed you again,One day you’ll feed yourself
And when you think back to this time, I hope it’s love I’ve shown
Can I help you put your coat on? Can I please mush your food?
Can I swing you around in my arms? Can I pick you out a treat?
One day you might just care for me,so let me care for you

I want to be a part of every little thing you do
Tonight could I please wash your hair? Can I put toys in the bath?
Can I help you count your small ten toes before I teach you math?
And one more time can I stand near to make sure you don’t fall?
Let’s take another space-ship ride Up to a distant planet
Before our Cardboard Rocket doesn’t fit us anymore

Please let me help you up the hill while you’re still too small to climb
And let me read you stories while you’re young and have the time
I know the day will come when you will do these things alone
Will you recall the shoulder rides and all the balls we’ve thrown?
I want you to grow stronger than your Dad could ever be
And when you find success there will be no soul more proud than me
So will you let me carry you? One day you’ll walk alone
I cannot bear to miss one day from now until you’ve grown!

Man_made Beauty

Cape Town,
South Africa

If you’re open to it, Cape Town will teach you about yourself, but if you want to hide from who you really are, the city will help you do that, too.

I have an affection for this great city. I feel safe here, and enjoy the sweet security of its streets. I think one day Cape Town will be the most beautiful great city left in the world.

I have also learnt that Happiness can be found in having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Finally, you dont need a holiday … you need CAPE TOWN!

My City My Town

Sometimes I like to forget what is going on around me … like the Elections in Kenya. I like to remind me how beautiful Cape Town is and hope that one day maybe Mombasa will be like this … maybe … just maybe.

Cape Town City Centre
Taken from the 3 Towers up in Gardens

7 … the number of completion

Today my wife and I turn 7 months as parents. And for the first time in my life I really do care about the outcome of the Kenya General Election. I was in Kenya during the 2007/08 post election violence and would not like to see what happened then repeated. Being in the diaspora, obviously I have no vote but I care about the Kenya I will one day be bring my children to. Whoever wins, I hope they will deliver on their pre-election promises… whatever they are. They are always good anyway.

Meanwhile, Ciiru is 7 months today- how fast time flies … it was 6 months just the other day! And look what she can do … She Turns towards sounds and voices, imitates sounds, rolls in both directions, reaches for objects and mouths them and sits without support!Am afraid soon she will crawling … then all hell will break loose

She is also getting cheeky and enjoys playing ‘picaboo’(A game for a small child in which one covers one’s face, then revealing it and saying Boo! or Peekaboo!) … my diction grows everyday … what did we used to call it anyway?!. She now understands that when you are out of sight you don”t cease to exist … and so when she cant see you she starts looking for you in anticipation.

Ciiru is also reaching for things with a sweeping motion and is Imitating speech sounds (babbles) and is Banging objects together. One author had the guts to suggest home implements are very useful at this stage … pots and pans and all such utensils. Our home is slowly turning into a bedlam of noise …

In the last 7 months I have seen my wife transform literally right before my eyes. I wish I could do a time lapse … I have seen her move from girlfriend to wife to mum with such grace that I say “thank you God” at every thought of her. Ciiru is lucky to have such a mum and am blessed to have her for a wife!

So here’s to the coolest wife … and I can speak for Ciiru … “here’s to the coolest mum!!”

Trip down memory lane as I celebrate another birthday!

Today is my birthday. And as we often do, I reflect on how far God has brought me from a tiny little helpless baby to the man I am today. I came into the world hungry and naked but now I live my life surrounded by two beautiful women; my wife and my daughter. A lot could have happened in between but I’m here to-day because God kept me, I’m A live today only because of His grace!

So a little drive down memory lane (in picture speak)
@1 Year 1 month
Ramogi Studio or Studio … Everyone has one of these if you grew up in Nairobi
It is only when you become a parent that you realise what your parents did for you. And for that I am forever grateful to mum and dad for how much of themselves they invested in me and the sacrifices they made for this baby here!

The beginnings of Formal Education: Treestar Nursery School
I clearly remember my sister coming to pick me up after school so that she could swing on our swings. Meanwhile I would be looking like this (below) with my friends Godfrey Lusanza, Paul Waweru, Thomas Mukoya, and Fredrick Ngángá

NCC Riruta Satellite Primary School
Prize giving day was always a proud day for me and my mum who came for every school function there was. This was your typical City Council School where the only luxury we ever had was Maziwa ya Nyayo (free milk). But here God blessed me with some of the best teachers and because of it I became the first student to score over 600 marks (out of the possible 700) in satellite primary … but do I say!! And to proceed on to the great Mang’u High School which I had neither seen nor heard of (only that it taught Aviation)!

Giving my life to God
The best decision I ever made was choosing to follow Christ.
Here I was baptised by Pr. Ndeto at the age of 14. Never looked back … the cross ever before me … the world behind me

Mangu High School
Before joining MHS my world was informed by surroundings in Riruta Satellite. In Mangu my world opened up to the rest of Kenya. I realised that there were rich people, poor people, smarter people, people who speak english everyday (what the heck?!!) – And this was probably when I began leaving home …
In this pic here are Architects, pilots, engineers, Scientists and many other great professionals that I am proud to share the Mangu heritage with!

JKUAT-Architecture
Here with my fellow architects including the late Fzee! When we did not even know what architecture was. Fawaz, Mumo and Joe in 1st year! Ushamba kwa wingi. Architecture has since become our bread and butter ..

The rest of my life
And we lived happily ever after!!
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. She is my confidante, my helpmate, my friend. My lover. She is everything the word wife means to me. In my heart, we are wed. In my soul, she is mine.

And Ciiru … Thank you for opening up that childishness in me again!!

So today am older … and happier!!
And thanks to my dear wife once again in my life birthdays don’t come and go un-noticed! Mwaaah … love you sweetheart!!

Ciiru homecoming #1: meet the uncles and aunties

Ciiru finally met her uncles and aunties from both our families;
Aunty Kakash

Aunty Kakash will teach you to be simple, caring and loving especially to children! She will teach you to laugh alot and to make merry. She has a generous supply of cousins for you … so you will never be without friends!

Uncle Mwaura

Uncle Mwaura lives very far away and is dad to your very beautiful cousin Waithera. He works for a big multinational and is a true global citizen. Traditionally he is your only uncle – the rest are your “small fathers” – If you ever choose to go corporate he will teach you the ropes. He will teach you to be honest and how to get up there without forgetting where you came from.

Uncle Mitch

Uncle Mitch is the smooth one in the family. He will teach you the queens English having lived there long enough to master the language. He will spoil you, teach you to be fashionable and show you to appreciate the good things in life!

Uncle Mitch tall

Uncle Mitch tall will teach you how to make every penny count. He will also teach you not to forget your roots and not to be too fussy about stuff… to live a day at a time and to keep a gentle spirit

Aunty Carol

Aunty Carol is Ms Intelligence. She is very caring and loving and I know you will enjoy sleeping over at her house and to play with cousin Leiyan. She is also very generous and will spoil you with lots of goodies. She will be your port of call if you want to join politics and become famous. If you ever want to be the Obama of your generation, keep her close.

Uncle Georgey

Uncle George is the musician and arty one! I hope you will learn art from him and maybe how to sing and enjoy good gospel music. He will teach you to love the Lord and serve Him all the days of your life.

Uncle Eli

Uncle Eli is Mr Swag! He loves to have a good time and be on the social scene. He is a peacemaker and is very caring. He especially cares about your grandma and of all things you can learn from him, I hope you will learn how to care for your family and love your mother the most!

Uncle Shawn

Uncle Shawn is Mr Ambition! He wants to make a lot of money and be rich – and he will be. I hope one day he will teach you how to make money – Money cannot buy happiness but you will need it to be happy! Everyone needs a rich uncle someday – I hope he will be your rich uncle!

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 18,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.